and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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