and she was petting her beer can
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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