Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
