hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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