Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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