In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
