remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
