I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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