I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
