Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
