just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
