am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
