the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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