come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
