He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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