I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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