thus making me awesome and them whores
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
