at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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