Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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