2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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