Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
