I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
