Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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