No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
