You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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