i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
