Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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