The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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