you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize