That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drake has all the answers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
