Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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