Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
