So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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