first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
