i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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