Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize