Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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