Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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