it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
