I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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