I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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