Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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