I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
