Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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