I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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