I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize