Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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