He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
