im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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