Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
