i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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