Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
God, I missed his penis.
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