Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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