oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.