Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.