apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I won't apologize to a one balled man
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.