i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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