Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
