Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this will be a night to untag.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
