she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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