he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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