i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
