apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
