her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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