soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
